Today was one of the toughest days of my life. Over the course of the past 6 days - in the spare moments of alertness that have existed - Dad has been asking for a lot of information. He makes his decisions like this in life. He gathers as much data and sorts through issues one by one.
His questions: "What is my glucose? Blood pressure? Creatin? Platelets? How are my kidneys? Where is the oncologist? What did the kidney doctor say? When will I get rotated again? Where are your girls? Did they already leave? When can I go home? Can I get some pain medicine? Can I get some more?..." These are the conversations that we have had over and over again.
In reply I've found myself having to be simple. Direct. Crystal Clear. Loving. Supportive. Strong.
"Nothing is getting better dad. Your body isn't liking this. We know you want to go home. We are trying to help you dad. We are trying to help you get all of the information you need to make your own choices. To know how you can get home. Mom will be okay, Dad. We will take care of Mom. You will be okay, Dad. Everything is in God's hands."
Today, with as much information as possible, Dad made the decision that he wants to come home. He knows more chemo isn't in the cards for him. He knows that we all want the best for him. He asked each one of us, "Is this the right thing to do?"
So, tomorrow Dad will come home and we will wait for God's will.
Back at 1016 Doyle Avenue, our neighbors the McKee's were God's angels for the day. Just as they were when they resuscitated him last week and advised mom to call 911. They helped us move furniture to make way for a hospital bed. They made us spaghetti dinner. They brought over wine and poured it and we never had to lift a finger. Then we all laughed and shared stories about Dad. I can't wait to do that again - but with him in the room.
In the past week I have personally seen nearly 30 visitors come to the hospital to visit with Dad. He loves you all and we do too for your love for him. Everyone who knows Dad has a story to share. Please share yours too. We love to hear how he has touched others lives.
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